It doesn't take watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey to learn valuable life lessons. But it certainly helps.
Just as preachers bring the word of God to congregations the world over, let me bring you valuable life lessons to be learned from......mmmmmm......unsung and overlooked spots.
Boo had throat surgery this past weekend, so I have spent even more time than usual perusing the ice cream and froo-froo drink shelves. Decidedly not froo-froo in any conventional sense, I stumbled across some familiar bottled asphalt. Hmmm. Where have I seen this before?
"WELL, SHIT MARIE!" I screamed to the entire groceria. "The Manzo Brothers have gone global!"
RHONJ's matriarch-of-all-matriarchs Caroline Manzo always told her boys Albie and Christopher that they could be and do anything they wanted as long as they worked hard. "You can even sell ice to the Eskimos," I imagine she told them.
Well, they almost took her literally. If you can sell pitch-BLACK water to the general public, you really can do anything!
|Franklin Lakes, NJ-based reality TV matriarch Caroline Manzo flanked by her entrepreneurial sons Albie (left) and Christopher (right).|
Last season, I recall Manzo'n'Manzo pitching their seedy-as-fuck-lookin' opaque "water" to distributors. Well....the pitch meetings must have proven fruitful, because their bilge water now sits on grocery store shelves the world over. Christopher put that personality to good use.....while Albie probably gave a good injection or 40.
What a team! Anything really is possible!
Well....my mom told me that I could be and do anything I wanted, as well. If Manzo'n'Manzo can make the "high mineral content" of sea sludge from the BP oil spill seem de rigueur, then I can certainly bottle my own urine for at LEAST $2.49 a pop.
I take extremely expensive raw-food-based vitamins every day. And chase my Xanax with wheat grass on the reg. That should be some pretty pricey piss.
Reach for the stars, err'body!
Just like my mom, Caroline Manzo, and...Debbie Gibson said, "Anything is possible!"
[images via: (1) source; (2) Philips Wood/Written Without Adderall©; (3) source]