Jessica Simpson finally shat that thing out today. PRAISE JESUS!
Despite reports that Simpson gave birth to a 9 pound, 13 ounce baby girl named Maxwell Drew Johnson in Los Angeles this morning, I must report that this is simply an untruthful attempt at People cover glory. The reality is much more 1980s martian-baby National Enquirer.
A super-attractive nurse at Cedars-Sinai will back me up.
Any likeness to Horatio Sanz is merely coincidental.
[images via: (1) source; (2) source; (3) source]