I am not devoting anywhere near as much time to this as I do some of my posts. She ain't worth it. And she should have gone to jail for those rotten toofers in the first place.
Livin' la Vida Lohan was just sentenced to jail for 30 days. Please. We know she won't go. She'll just tweet from the morgue about how terrifying it is. Morgue? Irony?
Get it over with, girl. Look down at your wrists and slice away. You've been killing yourself slowly since the Mean Girls premiere, and you should just land the effing plane already. I would provide instructions on the proper way to do it when you aren't just seeking the attention like Glenn Close's "Alex Forrest" in Fatal Attraction, but I know I'd get sued.
Don't tweet about it. Just get it over with. Save the California taxpayers some money.
At least swallow a shit ton of your pills. All at once. No more attention.
Heart ya', girl,
PS: That's great they are gonna' let you finish your Playboy pictorial first. Spray-tan-muffled freckles, rotten toofers and all.
[images via: (1) eonline.com; (2) victorinoxkitchenknives.org; (3) epharmacies.com; (4) bossip.com; (5) New York Magazine]